Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
