just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
