Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
