You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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