dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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