you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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