Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
