I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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