textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
