We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My pussy is not your playground.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
