he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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