What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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