dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
