Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
