I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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