Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize