Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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