I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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