i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
