Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
