How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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