Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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