someone owes me an orgasm
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
