You really coming over, don't trick.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
