This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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