We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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