I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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