oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
