Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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