she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
