your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
