My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
