look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You made out with two different species that night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
