in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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