You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
