I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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