When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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