can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
