the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
