I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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