I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
