He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
