my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
