Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
