I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
