I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize