the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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