I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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