i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
