1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Randomize
