What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
