Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
