I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think i have two assholes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The Olympian is in my bed
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
