Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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