It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
