I just cut my nipple shaving
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well you can't waste a boner
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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