Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
