I murdered the dance floor call the cops
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
