I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry about my life...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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