you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
