dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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