nut hugger
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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