To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
