I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
