nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
