$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
