I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
