I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
