cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
