Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
