Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My vagina is very pro this idea
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
