FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize