Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
